Rah-Rah!

So for the few of you out there that actually read this, I guess I should mention that I pick my topics randomly.  What is on my mind during the week, or whatever theme is emerging among my clients, that's what I write about.  If I don't feel strongly about something, the words won't flow.

So what's on my mind this week is the video classes I'm taking to become a Certified Life Coach.  Life coaching is the fastest growing field in the U.S. right now, and short of a certificate, there is not much else that governs this band of merrily encouraging people.  You can find a life coach for any area of your life, and I'm not exaggerating: financial life coach, nutritional life coach, fitness, leadership, spiritual... the list goes on.  If you have a goal (or two or three), and you need some motivation in reaching it, there is a life coach for you somewhere out there. 

I'm finding that there is a lot of cross-over between coaching and counseling, and that's what I want to talk about today.  The main similarity that is being pounded into my head is that the best coaches, and the best counselors, practice what they preach.  The best coaches have coaches, and the best counselors have been through counseling at some point in their lives.  Maybe even after they become counselors.  And having gone through therapy also makes a life coach worth their salt.

In both the counseling environment and the coaching environment, it is important that trust be built between the client and coach, and that the environment be a safe one.  The person of the coach, and the relationship and the rapport between the two people, is as important to building a successful relationship as it is in the counseling office.

Active listening is also key to both the counseling and the coaching relationship.  Active listening involves tthe listener letting go of their personal agenda, including thinking ahead to how they might respond to something that the speaker is saying, and just be in the moment with that person.  It involves having a good memory, and referring back to previous conversations, as a way of showing the client (or anyone really) that what they have said in the past is important.  Being an active listener also goes a long way in building the trust mentioned in the previous paragraph.

So there you have it - my two cents for the week.  Have a good one.

Taming the Tongue

I've been thinking about the power of words this week. 

One of my new favorite books is "The Emotinally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing" by Beverly Engel.  Engel has the ability to make a somtimes vague and hard-to-pin-down concept (the invisible form of abuse, because it leaves no physical marks) easy to understand.  She uses assessment tools for both the abuser and the victim, as well as definitions (like "Gaslighter" and character assassination) and practical steps for healing.

The book has given me pause for thought.  Engel says that just because although a person may not seem emotionally abusive, they may have an emotionally abusive attitude that can eventually lead to abusive behavior.  So it's not just words, but attitude and the condition of your heart.  And how many of us have been guilty of a "bad attitude" or taking out our bad day on our friends, our family, or the cat?  Engel says that believing your have a right to make most of the decisions in the relationship, and insisting that your partner do as you say, are signs of an emotionally abuse attitude. 

Words are powerful even in healthy relationships, and not always for good.  The Bible references "the tongue" at least 137 times, and regardless of the context, the tongue is always a powerful tool.  James 3: 6 says, "And the tongue is a flame of fire.  It is full of wickedness that can ruin your whole life..." (NLT).  I know that I have been guilty at times of saying more than I should, and sharing more information than was necessary in social situations.  I'm sure that's a universal experience.  Knowing that you have an audience that will listen is a heady experience.  And I've also felt the attack of conscience and the conviction that I need to learn from my mistakes, and get control over my words the next time, so that they don't get the best.  It's an ongoing battle, and one I must be vigilant about. 

Intentionally and unintentionally, we can hurt people with our words.  I want to strive to always be aware of my words and my motivations, and to use words for edification and building up, not tearing down or hurting.  So much easier said than done.

Making Change Last

I don't know about you, but the new year always seems like a good time to set new goals for myself.  Call them resolutions, or whatever you want, but there is something about turning the page on a new year that makes life feel fresh and full of possibilities.

The fastest way to create change in life is to focus on making little changes instead of big ones - baby steps, as I like to call them. Daily disciplines make a huge difference over time. If you can incorporate the following habits into your resolutions (or whatever you are calling them), you stand a better chance of achieving your goals and experiencing lasting change.

1. READ! Readers are leaders, so read more if you want a better quality of life. 

2) WATCH! Invest time with media that makes a positive difference. Biographies on television or in movies can give you courage and a new perspective.

3) LISTEN! Find positive music or motivating messages on the radio or from audio books checked out at the library. Let your drive time become personal growth time.

4) ATTEND! Find positive energy from local groups of like-minded leaders at church, business networking events, or seminars.

5) CONNECT! The single greatest influence on your life is from others. Birds of a feather really do hang together, so choose your companions wisely since you will take on their characteristics in multiple ways.  Creating good support systems (by attending and connecting) can get you through any challenge.
 
Good luck!  Let me know how to goes.