Taming the Tongue

I've been thinking about the power of words this week. 

One of my new favorite books is "The Emotinally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing" by Beverly Engel.  Engel has the ability to make a somtimes vague and hard-to-pin-down concept (the invisible form of abuse, because it leaves no physical marks) easy to understand.  She uses assessment tools for both the abuser and the victim, as well as definitions (like "Gaslighter" and character assassination) and practical steps for healing.

The book has given me pause for thought.  Engel says that just because although a person may not seem emotionally abusive, they may have an emotionally abusive attitude that can eventually lead to abusive behavior.  So it's not just words, but attitude and the condition of your heart.  And how many of us have been guilty of a "bad attitude" or taking out our bad day on our friends, our family, or the cat?  Engel says that believing your have a right to make most of the decisions in the relationship, and insisting that your partner do as you say, are signs of an emotionally abuse attitude. 

Words are powerful even in healthy relationships, and not always for good.  The Bible references "the tongue" at least 137 times, and regardless of the context, the tongue is always a powerful tool.  James 3: 6 says, "And the tongue is a flame of fire.  It is full of wickedness that can ruin your whole life..." (NLT).  I know that I have been guilty at times of saying more than I should, and sharing more information than was necessary in social situations.  I'm sure that's a universal experience.  Knowing that you have an audience that will listen is a heady experience.  And I've also felt the attack of conscience and the conviction that I need to learn from my mistakes, and get control over my words the next time, so that they don't get the best.  It's an ongoing battle, and one I must be vigilant about. 

Intentionally and unintentionally, we can hurt people with our words.  I want to strive to always be aware of my words and my motivations, and to use words for edification and building up, not tearing down or hurting.  So much easier said than done.