National Boost Your Self-Esteem Month

February is National Boost Your Self-Esteem Month, and in recognition of this designation, I thought I would spend a little time on self-esteem this week.  Self-esteem is a topic that is close to my heart, as I have led numerous Self-Esteem Support Groups over the years.  There is a wide variety of information available on this topic, some of it is very realistic and practical.

Regardless of our own personal definition of self-esteem, I believe that we all arrive at our self-esteem cognitively – which means that our self-esteem is directly related to how we think about ourselves. I believe that how we think about an upsetting event effects how we feel and our mood; therefore, you feel the way you think.

Three components are closely linked to self-esteem:  depression, which measures how bad you feel about yourself – it's like an emotional thermometer; anxiety, which indicates a level of fear; and relationship satisfaction, which is how satisfied you feel in your relationships.  As depression and anxiety levels rise, relationship satisfaction goes down, and self-esteem dips.

There is also a strong connection between self-esteem and stress.  Look at this (for more see The Stress Owner's Manual by Edmond W. Boenisch and C. Michelle Haney):

• Study after study has found that increasing someone’s self-esteem will reduce the amount of stress they experience. If your self-esteem levels start out low, however, stress will often reduce them even further.

• If my self-esteem is high, I’m less likely to just tolerate things I find stressful. Instead, chances are I’ll do something about them – either find out how to fix them or avoid them – simply because I believe I deserve better than to have to suffer them. In a very real way, higher self-esteem causes behaviors that reduce stress.

• How much stress people feel themselves experiencing is closely associated with their own sense of self-esteem. The most influential factor in determining response to stress may be your own perception of yourself.

• Research seems to indicate that because women are relational beings, when their support and social systems sprout cracks and begin to crumble, self-esteem lowers and anxieties creep in. Many stressors can trigger these situations: balancing work and family, pregnancy and postpartum issues, body image, and societal and personal attitudes toward women.

• When women are experiencing strained relationships with significant others in their lives, they can ward off anxiety and related disorders by maintaining their self esteem.

So how do I do this, you may ask?  How do I maintain or increase my self-esteem?  Following are a few tips that I have seen in action in the Self-Esteem Support Groups that I lead:

1. Be your own best friend.  Instead of tearing yourself down when you are disappointed with yourself, encourage yourself - the way you would a good friend.
2. Take baby steps.  Don't bite off more than you can chew, or set too large of a goal for yourself.  Break each goal down into it's most basic parts, and then tackle them one by one.  The sense of accomplishment is huge!
3. Learn to accept yourself.  This is a hard one, I know.  But I believe that God's design of us is not a mistake, and that each person was designed for a purpose.  By incorporating your weaknesses, as well as your strengths, into your entire self concept, you can more easily learn to accept yourself. 

Are you interested in learning more about self-esteem?  Two great resources that I use two books in my self-esteem groups, both by David Burns:  Ten Days to Self-Esteem (workbook) and The Feeling Good Handbook.